Love Vs. Fear
Keep-In-Touch Newsletter
From
Rachael Stracka, LCSW
Volume 2 Number 6
Hello All,
We are here in the middle of the Fall season, and I expect that you are gearing up for holiday time and the winter (though if you live in Southern California like me, you would never believe you were in the middle of Fall!).
I have some news to share with those who don’t already know. I will be on maternity leave until March of 2009. I have contracted with an excellent Associate Clinical Social Worker (intern), who is facilitating existing groups here and taking some referrals in my absence under my supervision.
As I leave, I wanted to write about one of the most common topics that I talk about over and over in therapy and in life. That is – fear vs. love. I talk about it so much that I sometimes forget where I got it from. For me, it comes from a book I read about ten years ago called Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav. He has since written other books with his partner, Linda Francis.
The theme that I use most frequently from that book is that as humans, we are constantly faced with the choice in every moment, big or small, to act out of fear or to act out of love. The idea is that when we act out of love – love for ourselves, love for another being, love for the universe, etc. then we create a set of consequences that will bring more love back to us. When we act out of fear – fear of rejection, fear of “bad” feelings, etc., we create consequences that result in more fear coming back to us.
In other words, if we make decisions based in fear, they will ultimately create negative consequences. If we make decisions based in love, in the end, they will be the right decisions with positive consequences.
So, though I may be “scared” about changes in my practice and the unknown as I take time off to have a baby, I am ultimately making the decision to act out of love. It is the right thing to take time off now. You can practice discerning between acting out of love vs. acting out of fear by really paying attention to your body (we have spent lots of time on this in past newsletters!). You cannot feel love/trust and fear/mistrust at the same time! It really is impossible.
May you all enjoy practicing the choice of love vs. the choice of fear, and I look forward to seeing you when I return!
Please visit the upcoming blog that will be available through my website, www.CreateMyBestLife.com. Soon, you will have access to all the newsletters there!
All the best,
Rachael Stracka
Anxiety and Stress
Keep-In-Touch Newsletter
From
Rachael Stracka, LCSW
Volume 2 Number 5
As we head into the summer months, I hope you all have some fun and relaxation in your schedules!
As requested by folks, I have exemplified each of the 5 Key Strategies to Create and Live Your Best Life. I will move on to some other interesting topics, and although I may not talk specifically about the 5 Strategies, they probably still apply as they can be used as a philosophy on life. All 5 Strategies can be found on my website, www.CreateMyBestLife.com.
Anxiety!! We all experience it at some point. Some people more than others and some times more than others. It is a part of life, and as human beings, we probably would not get much done if it didn’t exist. Anxiety on this level is like stress. A little stress (anxiety) can help us stay alert and on our toes when we need to meet a deadline, need to focus on a task, or are truly threatened by an event or experience.
The problem comes when we experience too much. I use the word experience because that is exactly what it is. Our experience is that we do not accept the reality of the current situation, whatever that might be. This, in turn, causes stress and anxiety. We are trying to deny or fight against the reality that our car has broken down and we will need to pay money we think we don’t have, and, on top of that, be late to wherever we are headed. Constantly fighting against the reality of the present takes energy and causes continual stress and anxiety. This is something you don’t want!!
This is also where mindfulness comes in. The key is to pay attention to the now even though that is exactly what you are inclined not to do in the moment. It is much easier to think about the future or the past than about the present moment. However, refocusing can actually lower blood pressure, balance out your breathing physically, and allow you to think more clearly and experience less stress and anxiety. A good way to do this is to focus on your breathing, focus on your stomach moving out with the in-breath and in with the out-breath. When your mind wanders (and it will!!), don’t judge yourself. Simply note it and go back to your stomach. You will see that the benefits are well worth the practice, and that you cannot be thinking of the past and future when you are focused on your stomach’s moving out and in with the breath.
It is important to note here that while mindfulness is proven to be helpful with anxiety and stress, even of the chronic variety, there do exist more serious forms of anxiety that can be debilitating. They range from generalized anxiety to phobias, obsessive compulsive disorder, panic, and post-traumatic stress disorder to name a few. If you think you may have or experience one of these, it is generally best to seek professional help. An indication that you need professional help is when you start to feel like your work, personal relationships, and general level of satisfaction with life are affected by symptoms of anxiety. While most of the professional community uses mindfulness to assist in the treatment of these disorders, there are other techniques that are also quite effective in treating anxiety disorders such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, exposure response prevention, and other therapies related to the resolution of past trauma.
One thing for sure, though, is that you should get help as soon as possible rather than waiting. If you are not certain about what you might have or need, you can do a free screening or short assessment with a therapist or online.
I challenge you to create and live your best life ever!
And, as you know, if you need support, I’m here.
All the best,
Rachael Stracka
What is Your Abundant Life?
April 2008 Keep-In-Touch Newsletter
From
Rachael Stracka, LCSW
What does abundance mean to you? Do you even think about it?
This is essentially the fifth and final strategy from the 5 Key Strategies to Create and Live Your Best Life: Know that you deserve any life that you desire. All 5 Strategies can be found on my website, www.CreateMyBestLife.com.
I have run into countless people in therapy and outside of it who, when it gets right down to it, they are unhappy because they do not feel deserving. Sometimes they are scared, sometimes they are depressed with guilt and negative self-talk, and sometimes they simply think that those that came before them did not have, so how could they.
It is valuable to look underneath at what you are telling yourself because if you are telling yourself that you are not good enough and not deserving, then that is what you are. This means that you cannot live the life that you really, truly desire – ever (unless, of course, you change what you tell yourself). If you don’t feel deserving of a life that you love, then you will continuously do what you think others want or expect from you as you chase the feeling of being deserving.
It has to come from you, though. You must learn that you are valuable just because you exist. That means that no matter how much you please or don’t please someone else. No matter how much you do or don’t do. No matter how much someone tells you directly or indirectly that you are not deserving, and so on……it does not matter. No one can take away your intrinsic value.
Once you challenge yourself on your own deservingness and address the underlying obstacles to your acceptance of it, then you are free to figure out what kind of life you really want and live it.
The following are some steps to awareness and change:
1. Become keenly aware of what you say to yourself.
2. Notice how thoughts make you feel (notice that it is what you say to yourself that makes you feel).
3. Find the evidence that what you said to yourself is 100% true.
4. If it is not 100% true, then replace the thought/self-talk with a more rational and realistic statement.
5. Keep doing the above four steps until you feel how you want to feel!
I challenge you to create and live your best life ever!
And, as you know, if you need support, I’m here.
All the best,
Rachael Stracka
What Do You Want To Change?
March 2008 Keep-In-Touch Newsletter
From
Rachael Stracka, LCSW
Happy Spring to Everyone!
Spring is a time of great change, new beginnings, and new growth. So, it is fitting that this month we will explore the fourth strategy from the 5 Key Strategies to Create and Live Your Best Life: Know that in order to make changes, you must trust and be open. All 5 Strategies can be found on my website, www.CreateMyBestLife.com.
It can be overwhelming, not to mention depressing, to think of everything you don’t want while at the same time try to figure out how to climb out of it. So, I recommend thinking of what you do want – specifically.
You might hear yourself or others repeatedly say, “I don’t want to be like this anymore,” “I hate this,” “This is not the way I want to live,” or “Why do I always……” But, at the same time you make no changes in what you think, how you act, what you say, or how you feel. In other words, you keep doing the same thing – the same thing which leads to the same results!
In order to make any changes, you must be open and willing – physically and emotionally. This is basic science. We have all heard of the rat maze experiments. The rat is placed in a maze with a piece of deliciously-smelling cheese at the end. After several attempts in which the rat’s access to the “correct” path is thwarted, it tries a different path, which ultimately proves very fruitful.
Now, to compare humans to rats: Here you have a perfectly intelligent woman who has great friends, a successful career, and almost nothing to complain about, except, she is on her third failed relationship. Chances are good that she is following the same path over and over. In this area of her life (and we all have these areas), she (and we) could learn from the rat. The rat is not scared, the woman is. The woman is not open and trusting to different options or different paths. The rat certainly is!
What is one thing you want to change? Open yourself to something different. You may not know exactly what it will feel like or look like, but that is where trust comes in. You must trust that if you give up your hold and give up your control, you will have the energy to take in something new. That is change. And, if what you have been holding onto has not been working for you, then there is a very good chance that the new will bring you to what you want. It will bring you to the cheese!
Open yourself, give up the hold, trust the process, and go for the big cheese!
And, as you know, if you need support, I’m here.
All the best,
Rachael Stracka